FRAT ROW—Gamma epsilon iota kappa lambda mu, psi rho, sources confirmed.

“Pi rho epsilon kappa theta mu alpha,” said Chapter President Doug Mensa. “Tau rho ksi mu mu beta.”

Tau eta theta mu delta beta beta gamma epsilon lambda suspended for two years, according to university officials.

“Theta rho pi,” Mensa added, defending the organization. “Theta theta.”

At press time, chi phi sigma rho pi.