ACADEMY ROOM—According to an email sent to student group presidents, the Allocations Board has nearly exhausted its funds for the year. In order to continue to support student groups, the Board has turned to Discover Student Loans, taking out a sizable $100,000 loan.

“We had no choice,” said Dustin Jacobs (SMG ‘16), chairman of the Allocations Board of the University that received a $50 million donation last March, “there’s just no money to provide for students.”

The Allocations Board has asked student groups to send in requests for all anticipated events requiring funding by February 29th, so the remaining money can be distributed fairly. On the following day they will discuss which building construction it will go to.

In addition to budget requests, AB will also be accepting any money you’ve got lying around.

“Even a buck would be appreciated,” said Jacobs, “we’re getting a little sick of allocating Ramen for dinner every night.”

The Dean of Students Office has agreed to work with AB to ensure that all requests will be reviewed properly.

“It is unfortunate that the starting budget was so small this year,” said Kenneth Elmore, Dean of Students at the university whose tuition was raised 3.7% last year.

“When money is tight it just has to go to the right places,” he added, before buying everyone at the BU Pub a round of drinks on the University Credit Card.

Eager as always to provide useful assistance, SAO has provided alternatives to AB funding.

“I’d like to remind everyone that SAO has a variety of prepaid packages for events,” said  SAO director Simon Phillips, “we highly recommend the package where you don’t hold an event and campus culture stagnates.”

After analyzing their projected loan payments, AB is now considering dropping out of Boston University and transferring to be the Allocations Board of a state school.

At press time, President Brown, one of the highest paid university presidents, could not be reached for comment.

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