What do you get when a horse-girl-esque individual takes a horse tranquilizer on a Friday night? A lot of information from her that you didn’t ask for. Surprisingly, she was the most inspiring person I’ve ever met. Unsurprisingly, I have not seen her since that misty night in Rat City- Allston, MA. However, it became my mission, as the rats filled the streets and she walked off into the darkness, to impart her wisdom on every lonely soul I encounter.

Oh, and for context, I knew she was on ketamine because she told me upwards of 15 times. 

         When I first met the ketamine girl, my Spirit Guide, it was in a crowded living room where a tapestry of an Illuminati Gorilla ™ hung freely on the wall. Usher’s discography was ringing in my ears, and Spirit Guide was running in circles which she said was krumping. Spirit Guide didn’t want to be bound by the sweaty twenty-somethings that surrounded her, she wanted to take up space. When was the last time you did that for yourself?

         The thing about Spirit Guide is that she demanded no one look at her, no one perceive her, but the girl with the polaroid camera to get a couple more shots of her and her friends. After checking in with the camerawoman, I was told that the two didn’t know each other. I asked why she’d waste film on a stranger, blinked, and my cup was on the floor, freshly slapped out of my hand by Spirit Guide. Before I could say anything in my defense, she was kissing two people on the mouth at the same time. When she came up momentarily for air, she reminded them that she was on ketamine. Why haven’t you smashed faces with a couple folks?  

         Every time I got scared that Spirit Guide had left, she would materialize on an elevated surface somewhere. This time, it was the coffee table. She asked some randoms for a slice of their pizza and got denied because she didn’t want to Venmo. Spirit Guide begged for a piece of pepperoni. Nobody heard her plies. Spirit Guide said, while shaking her coffin-shaped acrylics in the air like a hallelujah, “DON’T MAKE ME BEG YOU FUGGLIES FOR SOME ‘RONI.” Some might say she was tripping balls so hard that she didn’t remember that she had begged for ‘roni 0.5 seconds prior. I, on the other hand, know that she just understands that reality is a construct. What kind of dreamland will you create?

         I hope Spirit Guide comes back to me one day. I have a feeling that if I play some Usher and hold up a camera in front of some deli meat, she will know I need her help. That is, if she’s still got that ketamine pulsing through her blood stream. Isn’t that stuff great?  

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