By: Charlotte Tolman (
BOSTON LOGAN AIRPORT — I approached the 3rd consecutive hour sitting on my oversold Spirit Airlines flight waiting for it to take off. You’d think the cheapness is great, until you find out that their idea of “cleaning the plane” was a few sprays of Febreze, and that they charge you for clean air and a bag of 3 peanuts. As bad as that sounds, what almost made me want to hop off the wing was when I saw a few people in BU Engineering shirts waltzing over to the plane. Spirit only supplied them with stickers that displayed the ironic phrase, “Spirit Airlines Mechanics.’”
The first tragedy was when I saw wood and duct tape used to construct the inner parts of a plane. Apparently, these students only learned how to work with the same materials I got for my 7th grade Rube Goldberg project.
Then, a crew member came hightailing it from an Emirates Plane with their bottles of alcohol, y’know, because Spirit doesn’t even have water. Subsequently, I witnessed a mysterious dark liquid from a container labeled ‘West Campus Dining Hall’ getting put into the engine instead of gas because they didn’t have Coke. Simultaneously, a rat from the streets of Allston crawled out of the engine. It was probably running on a wheel to try to power the plane.
Forgetting how most of their clientele acted, the woman next to me, named Betty, lit up a cigarette, claiming that she had “rights.” Shockingly, no one confronted her. A fire started in the back of the plane. I guess those extra-flammable floorboards were supplied from Warren?
Finally, the smoky mess of the plane lifted off into the air. When turbulence hit, it never ended. The woman I sat next to somehow slept through it all. Per her request, I woke her up for the snack cart, but the flight attendant had an unstable grasp on the cart. It slid down the aisle and crashed into the back of the plane. As Betty’s started a game of candy crush, hot coffee spilled all over her iPad. Maybe this was for the best, because during one of her lengthy monologues during the red eye flight she said the app “played a role in her divorce.”
Apparently, it was going to take more than being covered in food, ashes, broken electronics, and other substances to land the plane. Betty noticed that there was a crunching noise that didn’t come from her mouth. Then she yelled at me for hitting her foot…but I moved as far as I could away from her? Crawling out from under her was a raccoon who came out from the undercarriage. He got into her bag of Taco Bell that she was “saving for later,” as if that food lasts. After the animal tore up a flight attendant’s shorts, yes Spirit doesn’t give them pants, the pilot finally said we needed to turn around, and land at the hellscape that is Logan Airport.
So yeah, just like those students, we got nowhere! But, at least the fare was pretty cheap!