When Lincoln Wesley, a 28-year-old resident of Boston, scheduled his first coronavirus test, he expected the famous swab to be painless. After all, Lincoln is a 6’5” adult male who identifies as “pretty chill”. However, he was surprised to find himself in extreme distress afterwards, having to go to bed (after a glass of warm milk) for the rest of the day.

“It was absolutely horrible!” Wesley said while choking back tears and stroking his nose. “I felt so exposed and embarrassed. What if the nurse judged me for all my nostril hair? Would it be weirder if I shaved it? I just don’t like someone I don’t know sticking a swab inside me. Why can’t they just breathalyze you or have you spit into a cup? I’m so uncomfortable…Thank goodness no one else has to go through something so intrusive normally.”

Wesley went on to reiterate that he doesn’t get flustered by routine doctor’s visits. He pointed us towards his Spotify playlist “Good Vibez” that helps him relax when getting a flu shot.

Poor guy! Getting a coronavirus test is a big ouch. Especially when a body part as intimate as nostrils are part of the experience. Here at The Pinky Toe, we celebrate men expressing vulnerability. Men shouldn’t have to act tough all the time! Just because women have to be screened yearly for cervical cancer via a tire crank, doesn’t mean men don’t also sacrifice dignity in the name of healthcare during a once in a lifetime pandemic!

At press time, The Pinky Toe discovered that Wesley’s “Good Vibez” playlist consists entirely of XXXTentacion. Our staff is currently working to verify how this can possibly help one relax.

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