Dear Spring 2021 Graduates,
SHEEEEEEEEEESH! Can you believe graduation came so soon?
We congratulate you for nearly reaching the end of your tuition-paying journey. We have thoroughly enjoyed conducting business with you. However, the upcoming commencement ceremony is regrettably on Zoom. We understand your disappointment. However, we beggeth of thee to keep your video cameras on for the ceremony.
We have paid way too much money to book your lit commencement speaker, T-Pain, as well as the required auto-tune voice system. You read that right, T-Pain is emceeing this certified banger of a graduation. With this commitment to making your graduation a fever-dream, we simply ask you give him a sea of face-shaped pixels to serenade.
We don’t even care if you’re decent. Pants? Not required. Cats on screen? Sure. Logging in from the back yard of a dayger in Allston? The more the merrier. Just please stay on.
We know it is easier to keep your camera off and not have to look at yourself in the box on screen, but this is your day to shine. C’mon bestie, show us your fierce looks. Besides, no one will be sober enough to remember how you looked on Zoom anyway.
This is your chance to celebrate your accomplishments as a student as we celebrate four successful years of draining your parents’ bank accounts. Be a good sport and celebrate with us. With CAMERAS ON.
Prezzy Brown and the BU Administration