ALLSTON—A very real cop and a very sexy nurse found themselves in over their heads at an Allston Halloween party, when no one was able to distinguish who was the professional and who was the student.

“It’s hard being this sexy looking and a police officer,” said Brian Donover, the extremely attractive cop, “I was trying to do my job, but everyone kept yelling ‘take it off’ and asking which guy I was from True Detective.”

Donover had been called to the building for a noise complaint, but when he banged on the door he was greeted with cheers and jello shooters.

“It was infuriating,” said Donover, “I kept telling people that they needed to clear out of the party immediately, but all they said was ‘wow! this guy is really in character! you can stay.’”

Meanwhile, Lacy Stimple (SHA ’18), the sexy nurse, was minding her own business when disaster struck and someone called out for a paramedic.

“Sexy Bernie Sanders had cut his lip while shot-gunning a beer and was losing a lot of blood,” said Stimple, “It was one of those life or death moments, and I had watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy before so I had a pretty good background in medicine.”

Stimple was seen administering paper towels and 3-year-old Neosporin, while shouting “Stat!” at everyone else in the kitchen.

At press time, Stimple was considering transferring to Sargent and Donover was still so good looking.

Leave a Reply