EAST CAMPUS – Starting next week, BU will be removing the 808 Covid testing site and relocating it to the construction site on Comm Ave.

This comes as a surprise to many, including students who are still currently waiting in a 10-mile long line to get into 808. Some are not taking the news too well.

“It’s just a pain because I had scheduled my test for Thursday, and I’ve been waiting in line for about three days,” said one overdue student. “Now I have to bring my tent and campfire equipment and lug it back to central campus to wait again.”

808 has become notorious in recent weeks for long lines of tents full of BU students. Street fights have occurred among those who snuck out of line to grab an opportune burrito from Chipotle while nobody was looking.

Since the new testing location is located at the top of the construction site, cranes will airlift students up from the ground and drop them off 20 feet above the top floor. If students survive the fall, they will be able to take their test immediately upon arrival.

However, in order to leave the testing station, students will be required to wear a hard hat and put on construction gear and assist in the development of the new building.

“It’s about civic pride,” said President Brown in a statement. “Why not extend that civic pride to all our students who will be giving back to the BU community by assisting in our goal. I can’t wait to see all my fellow Terriers with BU hardhats on and jackhammers we’ve bought be put to good use. It’ll be great for school spirit!”

The on-site construction workers have been instructed to observe and assist students when necessary. Some are welcoming the arrival of new help. 

“Honestly, I get a kick when one student drops their power drill hundreds of feet from the top of the building,” one worker said. “Sure, it’ll be annoying to get it back, but the helpless look on their faces is perfect!”

The Covid test vials will be collected in one large bin at the base of the building. Students will need to drop their vials from the top floor and hope no gusts of wind blow them away.

If the new testing location is found to be efficient, BU will reportedly relocate the vaccine clinics to President Brown’s personal office with Brown himself administering the doses.

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