Photoshopped by Michael Yue (CAS '23)
Samantha Dilsheimer (COM '22)

Samantha is a sophomore from Philadelphia studying film/TV. She likes piña coladas, getting caught in the rain, and bad 70s music.

1. Your high school crush

Yes! Finally! These semesters in another city have paid off. He must have been following your instagram transformation from kind of weird to hot, funny, and cool and he’s  totally into you now! Wait, hold on. He just messaged back to ask if you want to buy weed, as a friend.  

2. The family friend you used to take baths with

You didn’t recognize him at first, but trade instas, stalk a lil bit, and BAM. A baby pic. You’d know that tush anywhere, even when your moms had tastefully covered it with a bath toy. 

3. Matthew mccaunahey in “dazed and confused”

Alright, alright, alright. Wait, isn’t this the guy who said that the best thing about high school freshman is that while he gets older they stay the same? Yeah, that’s cancelled. 

4. your old babysitter

Awww, she remembers you! But will she want to roleplay…

5. the town jester

Lucky you! He’ll jingle-jangle his way right into your heart. Just don’t contract the black plague when canoodling with this medieval machiavellian monsieur.

6. your old english teacher

Yikes! He was hot but that’s kinda weird. Oh wait, this was already an episode plotline on Broad City. 

7. your cousin

Sweet home, Alabama.

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