Maddy Schmidt (COM '21)

Maddy Schmidt is a Sophomore from New Jersey studying Film/TV with a minor in Religion. She loves musical theatre, her cat, and lying to people about having a cat.

So you were inducted into five Honor Societies in high school and your gown was adorned with beautiful shiny ropes at graduation, letting everyone know that you were truly one of the best and brightest in your class. But what do you do with your honor cords besides proudly display them in your parents’ house? Perhaps you won’t be surprised to learn that your honor cords can be used for important purposes in college, while also reminding everyone that you’re better than them!

1. Wear ‘Em Around

Unlike high school, when you get to college no one knows who you are or what you’ve accomplished! By wearing your honor cords around, you’ve not only got a fashionable conversation piece, but you also have all of your accolades on display, so people know that you were among the high school elite. It’s a great way to make friends by surrounding yourself with likeminded (and smart-minded!) people!

2. Scarf For Winter

You’ve surely heard from all of your relatives that it gets cold in Boston. Stay prepared by weaving your honor cords into a nice winter scarf! You can stay warm while reminding everyone that you were 12th grade royalty.

3. Killing Bugs

By far the scariest part of living without your parents is that it’s on you to kill any bugs you find in your room. Using one of your many honor cords as a lasso, give it a nice swing and really whack down on that roach! It’s statistically proven that honor cords hit bugs with more accuracy and precision than regular ropes, which you probably already knew, you Math Honor Society star!

4. Waking Up Your Roommate

One of the hardest parts of living with a roommate is that you’ll likely have different sleep schedules. If you walk in on your roommate taking a nap when you need the room so you can cram for your midterm in an hour, don’t feel bad about giving her a smack with one of your honor cord tassels! Not only will it wake her up with ease, it’ll also remind her that you’re superior in both intelligence and work ethic!

5. Light Choking for Kinky College Hookups

College is the best time for sexual experimentation, and if your consenting partner agrees, whip out those honor cords and let the light choking begin. These ropes are ideal for wrapping around your partner’s neck because they’re silky soft for comfortable choking, and the tassel on the end fits perfectly in the mouth. Legend has it that if you’re choked with an honor cord during sex, instead of seeing stars, you’ll see straight As!

6. Weave a Ceremonial Singer’s Robe Like In Gathering Blue

As an English Honor Society member, you’ve surely read the dystopian young adult classic Gathering Blue, where a girl with a deformed foot is only deemed worthy of existing by her society because she has the Gift of embroidery. By weaving your honor cords into a Ceremonial Singer’s Robe, you can proudly display the similar way in which YOUR society celebrates YOU: by giving you ropes that show the world you have the Gift™ of being a good test taker!

7. Self-Esteem

Having a lot of honor cords is the only surefire way to feel good about yourself in terms of intelligence and overall worth. Good thing the education system has you covered there! Your honor cords should be a constant reminder that your value as a person is (and always has been) based on numbers. Luckily for you, those numbers have been GREAT! So don’t even think about the terrifying prospect of an educational institution caring about your personality, talents, passions, and mental health. Just remember those numbers, because in the end, you’ll realize that they were what really prepared you for the real world!

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