Photoshopped by Jacob Cohen (COM '22)
Timothy Choi (COM '22)

Tim is a freshman from a cornfield just outside of Chicago, IL studying Film & Television.

With Boston University’s student programs and outreach initiatives, you might believe this cold, hard, 180 year old institution cares about your feelings. The Bunion is here to remind you that Boston University is built of stone and wrath that will last long after your mortal body has turned to dust with our list of 6 inanimate objects BU loves more than its students.

1. Dining Points

We can’t be 100% certain about this one, but it’s the only explanation we can provide as to why BU insists on keeping dining points around. The entire point of convenience points is to be convenient, isn’t it? The only reason BU would possibly refuse to standardize its on-campus currency would be out of some weird sense of nostalgia, the same way we look at two dollar bills or a wheelbarrow full of Reichsmarks from the Weimar Republic.

2. Two Pieces of Fruit

On the topic of dining at BU, god forbid you disobey the signs hanging from the glass doors of our dining halls. It’s laid out, plain and simple: you are allowed to bring out ONE piece of fruit from a dining hall. ALL OTHER FOOD ITEMS ARE PROHIBITED. So what if you’re starving or in a rush? If administration catches you trying to leave with a banana in both hands, they’ll be sure to put you in your place by chopping one of them off.

3. Empty Libraries

There’s nothing like a quiet study session in Mugar to prepare for an important exam. That is, until midnight hits and the walls begin yelling automated announcements at you to leave before the hounds are released to dispatch any post-2AM stragglers. You thought a private university like BU would spend money on a 24-hour library? Fat chance. Have fun studying in the laundry room.

4. Berms

You may be remiss if you didn’t realize what a berm is. In landscaping, berms are rounded mounds of soil built upon level patches of land in order to improve the design of a property. However, you might know them as the land of flowers and trees, and those little black fences people always trip over, sacred land that your stupid mortal feet are never to tarnish with contact. Preserve the berm. Love the berm. Praise the berm. But God help you if you ever decide to touch the berm.

5. President Brown’s Favorite Pen

Legend has it it’s the only pen he didn’t let a single soul borrow throughout preschool, elementary school, junior high, and high school. He once let his best friend fail his final exam rather than loaning him his favorite pen. President Brown’s favorite pen sits atop a pile of broken bodies, burned bridges, and rejected FAFSA applications, and the world, let alone 18,000 undergraduates, couldn’t stop him from keeping it.

6. A Raisin

Allegedly arising over an office bet, Alex Tandy (CAS ‘20) was banished to the Shadow Realm in exchange for a raisin. No one knows the details of this transaction, nor why it was made, but administration seemed pretty happy about it. The raisin was later baked into an oatmeal cookie and marketed as “Chocolate Chip” in the dining hall, disappointing thousands.

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