Lauren Kelmar (COM '21)

Lauren is a senior from Palo Alto, CA studying Film and Television. She watches Taylor Momsen do parkour in her spare time. She is better at Wii bowling than Maddy Schmidt.

Boys are some of the world’s most fascinating creatures. They are always having a problem, turn to their wise girlfriends for advice, and then go right ahead and ignore it! Here are some pieces of advice for your boyfriend that every child should know.

1. study

You got a D on your test? Maybe you should study! It’s this concept where you look at the notes you’ve taken and read them over or quiz yourself! Yes, it is extra work, but it’s helpful for when you actually take the test! Yes, I do study actually, as do most students.

2. sleep

Why are you so tired today baby? You went to bed at 5 am? Maybe you should get some more sleep! You know sleep is really important for your body. No? You think staying up scrolling through Instagram for 3 hours is better? Okay, well it was just a thought!

3. put a bandaid on

You fell down a hill skateboarding at 70 mph and scraped your legs? Oh my gosh they are bleeding so much. Please put a bandaid on you are literally going to bleed out. No, it will not “be just fine”. Okay you didn’t bring any bandaids with you? That makes sense.

4. brush your teeth more than once a month

Your breath isn’t great. Here, I’ll buy you some toothbrushes and toothpaste. Just take them all. Please. I’m begging you. 

5. don’t cheat on me

Since we are dating it would be great if you, you know, didn’t get with other girls! It’s just some advice, by no means do you have to take it, but it would make me really sad if you did. Just keep your hands to yourself!

Leave a Reply