Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)
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Maya is a freshman from Seattle, WA studying Film and Television. Her go-to late night snack is baby carrots, but only the skinny ones.

Our favorite bedroom pop artist has been busy this past year posting infuriating amounts of acoustic IGTV covers rather than pulling a folklore. So while we wait for Immunity pt 2, here’s my prediction of the bangers we can expect on her next mental breakdown inducing album. 

1.  “2007 crv”

A perfect makeout song, but no one can make out what the hell Clairo is saying. When you look up the lyrics it appears to be about the first time she was dumped in a beat up car. Her heart was apparently as broken as the duct-taped exhaust pipe. 

2. “green line”

Clairo draws on her childhood experiences of growing up in Boston as she relates the consistency of her current toxic relationship with this beloved MBTA train. Will it be there for her when she needs to cry? Will it be delayed for an indeterminate amount of time?” are topics she agonizes about in this 7 minute long song.

3. “home screen”

Clairo claims she put more effort into designing her iOS 14 homescreen than her ex did in their relationship. The chorus includes the line, “I have more Widgetsmiths than texts from you.”

4. “thrifted toothbrush”

Clairo ponders what could’ve been with the girl who reaches for the same vintage toothbrush while shopping at her local Goodwill.

5. “dirty pavement”

Clairo lets listeners know that she just really loves the look of dirty pavement. She’s just such a quirky girl!

6. “coffee foam”

The latest bisexual anthem since Taylor Swift’s “Betty,” this song details Clairo’s interest in both the male and female baristas at her local coffee shop. Unfortunately, both baristas sell out for Starbucks.

7. “yellow crayon” featuring phoebe bridgers

As expected with these two scarily depressed millennials, this song almost beats “Falling” by Harry Styles in terms of seconds before you start sobbing. Girls who romanticize therapy go ham for this shit.

8. “done with this”

In a shocking twist, Clairo reveals in this song that she’s actually stepping away from music to fit in more sessions with her therapist.

Hopefully Clairo stops giving herself crisis bangs for long enough to release at least a single sometime soon. At this point, if she breathed into a mic and titled the track “life,” her fans would claim they “will never recover.”

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