CAS—After the first round of registration, Professor Susan Greene received an influx of nearly 18,000 emails from students pleading with her to make just one exception for a seat in her 20 person lecture.

“I couldn’t have predicted that my creative writing class would garner this much attention” said Professor Greene. “I do my best to get back to students as soon as possible, but I’m pretty sure it would take, like, 15 days to reply to every single person individually. And that’s without breaks.”

Students have described Professor Greene’s class as “stupidly easy,” and even “just a bunch of stuff you learned in your eighth grade Language Arts class” according to Sam Miller (CAS ‘17).

“I took this class last fall to fulfill one of my English requirements and I swear the hardest part about it was choosing which color notebook to buy at Target” said Hannah Banks (CAS ‘18). “I told some of my friends about how easy it was and I guess they told their friends and it just kept spreading until literally every undergraduate student at this university wanted to be in this class.”

Rebecca Lowell (ENG ‘19) remarked, “I heard there would be a lot of people trying to get a seat for Professor Greene’s class. I thought I’d set myself apart by shooting her a polite and friendly email to open up one more seat. When I found out that the number of students who did the exact same thing was equivalent to the population of a small island country, I figured I’d just drop the idea and find another class to enroll in.”

“I don’t know what to do with all this power” said Professor Greene when asked how she would decide which lucky student to put in her class. “I have the fate of 18,000 college students in my hands. Should I organize a talent show? Hold some sort of running competition? I’ve never had this kind of pressure put on me!”

Leave a Reply