Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)

Since the beginning of the pandemic, BU has prided itself on contributing new research to help get rid of the coronavirus. As such, Boston University is fully financially backing an innovative kind of experiment.

It started one night when Blake Grant (CAS ‘21) was sad that he couldn’t partake in his favorite hobby: throwing a rager with his bros.

Then, Grant thought about his second favorite hobby– manipulation– and the idea came to him: try to gaslight the coronavirus away.

“I know it sounds crazy, but if anyone knows how to properly use the powers of gaslighting, it’s me and my buddies,” said Grant.

The Bunion has discovered that over 90% of fraternity members at BU have signed up to be participants in the new trial, with each fraternity contributing a different kind of approach.

“I’m just going to keep partying, and when COVID confronts me about it, I’m going to deny ever going out and call the virus crazy for even thinking I would do that. That’s my bread and butter,” said Brian Miller (COM ‘22).

Some of the other gaslighting tactics fraternity members are considering include: telling COVID it’s being too needy; calling it a slut for infecting so many people; calling the virus weak to undermine its confidence; and, as always heavily, criticizing COVID and then claiming they have never said a single bad thing about the virus.

“I feel like I’ve done my ten-thousand hours practicing gaslighting over the years and this is like the boss level,” said Miller. “I’m so happy I can finally use my talent for good use.”

Word of the new experiment has spread across campus, and students familiar with the participants are chiming in on the experiment.

“Blake Grant thinks he can gaslight the coronavirus away? Is he in Kappa? Yeah? Oh then yeah, I’ve seen how he talks to women. That might actually work,” said Vanessa Assenav (COM ‘22).

At press time, The Bunion spotted Grant and the other Kappa’s insisting they don’t think Trump was ever infected with the virus, and that COVID was lying to get attention.

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