BAY STATE ROAD—Since the start of the semester, employees working the register at 100 Bay State Road have become increasingly fed up with one student who has hooks for hands, sources reported yesterday.

“Ugh, here she comes again,” said one disgruntled employee standing near the turnstiles. “Frank, you wanna get this one?”

The student, Joan Davies (SMG ‘17), has been unable to use the popular fingerprint-scanning turnstiles at 100 Bay State Road due to her lack of actual hands, forcing the employees to swipe her in the old fashioned way.

“Come here,” said visibly perturbed dining hall employee Frank Araby, who had to take an annoying ten seconds out of his day to let Davies into the dining hall by pushing a single button on the register computer.

“You’re good to go,” added Araby, before going to assist another student who had tried to scan his fingerprint at the turnstile 10 times unsuccessfully.

Employees at the dining hall say that the fingerprint scanners allow them some freedom while working at the front register of the entrance, allowing them to do more important things like stare at people as they enter the dining hall, gesture at people who are walking through, or talk to one another.

“I don’t have this problem at the other dining halls. It takes so long to get in here,” said Davies. “They just take my ID and scan it for me at Warren. They obviously have the ability to do the same thing here when things go wrong. Why do we have these fingerprint scanners?”

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