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GEORGE SHERMAN UNION – After the 5-1 loss to Boston College in men’s hockey last weekend, Boston University Dean of Students Kenneth Elmore will now become the Dean of Students at BC as per the agreement the two teams made before the game.
    “Not Dean Elmore!” said Erin Petersen (ENG ’15), who was already lined up to buy tickets for the rematch in January. “Take President Brown if you want, but not our beloved bow-tied dean!”
    The agreement, drafted before a puck hit the ice and signed by representatives of every class and college — the middle names of whom all appear to be “BC Sux,” detailed each team’s terms of the wager.
    “If we had won, they would have had to abandon their football team,” said Justin “BC Sux” Chapman (CAS ’14). “It was a bit of one-sided bet.”
    Elmore, who is trying to stay positive by thinking of how he can revolutionize BC’s website with blog posts and Spotify playlists, was given a few days to gather his personal belongings, including his red velvet jacket which will now be dyed gold.
    “I really wanted to win that game because I very much wanted to stay,” Elmore said, standing on the curb outside of the George Sherman Union in the cold, bright morning, with a briefcase and a faint ray of hope in his heart. “A deal’s a deal, though. This is why hockey is so important to our school.”
    “Hockey is the most important thing. Don’t let the people forget,” he added, before stepping into an unmarked van and fading off into the distance.
    At press time, Elmore was doing his best to keep a stiff upper lip and to not tell anybody in Chestnut Hill to “Be you.”

8 months ago
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