THE WEEKLY BUPDATE ---- REPORT: IT ABOUT TIME TO RENOVATE 100 BAY STATE AGAIN ---- WEATHER UPDATE: STUDENT IN SHORTS WAITS FOR BUS NEXT TO STUDENT IN GORE-TEX WINTER JACKET ON FIRST 50-DEGREE DAY ---- STUDENTS UNSURE IF EYE CONTACT THEY MADE WAS THE GOOD KIND ---- SMG STUDENT WANTS TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT 'THE FOUNTAINHEAD'---- WE FOUND YOUR BU ID, CLARENCE, BUT WE SURE AS FUCK AREN'T GOING TO GIVE IT BACK TO YOU JUST YET ----

Rich Girl In Dining Hall Can’t Even

image

KENMORE – Witnesses at 100 Bay State Road confirmed earlier today that affluent Boston University student Lauren Macintosh (COM ‘14) can’t even.
    ”Ugh,” said Macintosh, who still just couldn’t, while standing in line for a sandwich. “Are you kidding? I literally cannot.”
    “What can she not even?” asked Rob Passmore, a flustered Bay State employee. “That’s barely half a sentence!”
    Boston University officials are concerned about the source of Macintosh’s dissatisfaction, which echoes the sentiments of many other girls on campus who just can’t.
    ”But, like, actually? Said Macintosh’s friend, Aidy Mitchell (COM ‘15). “Are you kidding?”
    “Our usual solution when there’s dissatisfaction with students is to open up channels of communication with them,” said Dean Elmore. “But clearly that approach isn’t going to work here.”
    ”If students are so angry that they can’t even form a complete sentence, I need to fix what caused that problem,” Elmore added, while editing a PowerPoint presentation titled “What Can Students Not Even?”
    While most students find that they can, Macintosh represents a growing statistic of wealthier girls at Boston University who literally just can’t.
    ”But like, what even?” said Macintosh, commenting again on the situation. “Ugh.”
    At press time, Macintosh still cannot.

  1. life-built-upon-the-sand reblogged this from love-and-smiles
  2. canelayazucar reblogged this from love-and-smiles
  3. redhairandtealnikes reblogged this from love-and-smiles
  4. love-and-smiles reblogged this from thebunionpaper and added:
    HAHAHAHAHA THE ABSOLUTE BEST
  5. featherlaughs reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  6. tconcannon24 reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  7. manarchy-in-the-uk reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  8. erythro-joe reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  9. alyssakeem reblogged this from thebunionpaper and added:
    omg so funny, i can’t even!
  10. thetoristories reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  11. infinitevibez reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  12. theofficial3chainz reblogged this from thebunionpaper and added:
    😂
  13. fearofgravity reblogged this from littlemissnerdygirl
  14. pessimisticprose reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  15. brookethespermthatwon reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  16. snowflakenarrrry reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  17. pleasedontaskmetofixyourprinter reblogged this from indigoecho
  18. twenty-one-tardis reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  19. ifyouseesomthingsaynothing reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  20. pourmeaheavydoseofpixiedust reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  21. icymorpher reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  22. everybodyhadagoodtime reblogged this from thebunionpaper
  23. shingeki-no-more-dying reblogged this from thatawkwardnothing
  24. thatawkwardnothing reblogged this from thatoneblackfriend